Foggy headlights

I am at the stage now that I am not seeing what’s in front of me or what could be in front of me.

At a lost for ideas, words, unsure, uncertain about the future and my dreams. Currently living and surviving day by day, wondering what will be my next calling.

I recently resigned from my labor intensive and unsociable work and decided I’d like to take on a different path, try something new and save a little more. Not that I didn’t enjoy what I was doing, but the fact that I was doing the same thing ever day, every week meant that my creativity was put on hold. It was lacking and it was getting tired of being locked up in Pandora’s secret box.

I am a Pastry chef, yes you heard. I didn’t classically train or go to college or take a course in Pastry. It just so happened that I was offered a trial and after one week I was asked to stay on and work in this ‘well known’ restaurant. I’m not going to be naming the restaurant because it may be unfair to my colleagues and what not, but let me tell you that it’s a Japanese fusion restaurant that is very famous all around the world.

I was cooped up for a long time working here, thinking and being in my comfort zone. I didn’t excel after a year and I decided that it was time to find something different, of course I love pastry and anything to do with food, but when you are making kilo’s of chocolate fondant mix, mixing and making the same dough’s, ice creams, or mousses, it got a bit repetitive.

I was craving, what is called; an adventure.

I needed a change in scenery and so do a lot of people that work here, but the problem is that there were a lot of me, meaning a lot of people left and/or wanting to leave but don’t quite have the balls to go somewhere else because A: they’re scared and B: they cannot leave their comfort zone and possibly C: because they knew they couldn’t make it elsewhere.

And now that I have quit and changed my life for the better, I am now stuck on choices of jobs. I recently had an internship at a bakery that is also well known and famous for their cakes and cupcakes, but the level that they were working at was a little bit too simple, and I felt like I was taking a few steps back rather than forwards. Now I have plans many plans, but I am in a rut, I’ve got to sell my room in London and also find a new job and possibly change lifestyle completely. My boyfriend, in the same shoes as me, he’s the backbone, every day telling me to relax and to enjoy life, because it’s the only one we have. He’s amazing, and at the same time, we are in a predicament, because we want to find a job together, work together but it doesn’t seem as easy as the idea sounds.

So how do we go about fixing this problem in  huge city like London? Well, there is only applying. Applying, applying, applying, calling, messaging, applying, asking, applying. You see how intense this gets, I know that London is where most people come and it’s abundant in jobs and great career changers, but sometimes looking outside from the centre of London, you can’t see past the extreme crowds, busy traffic, buildings every where and so called pollution on a daily basis.

Is it time to change city or country? Is it time to change jobs or paths? Or is it time to grab my invisible womanly balls and tell myself to be quiet and get on with life, stop moaning because everyone, well most people seem to be rocking the same boat as you.



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